Thank you!!

Thank you for all the love and support. It means so very much to me. I am having trouble finding the words to describe the emotions I have had for the past ten days.

Will life ever feel "normal" again. I don't know. I have had so many people ask me, "What can I do for you?" or "If you need anything, let me know." I don't know what I need or what people can do for me. I'm usually the one who likes to do things for others.

At this very moment, I would love to have someone come to my house and organize and clean my kitchen. That's what I need the most. I'm just too overwhelmed to do this task.

Grieving is a process. One minute at a time, then one hour at a time, and eventually I will get through one day at a time.

More grief.....



My sister Jane, chose to end her life on July 1, 2010. She was 50 years old. I am having a hard time with this. I have gone through so many emotions during the past three days: shock, anger, sadness, fear, denial, ....

Jane will be missed by so many people. She just wasn't herself. Depression just took over her life the past seven months. Our family and her friends tried to help her. Living in this world just got to be too much for her. She left a note and asked us to forgive her. I am choosing to do that. I loved my sister deeply and I do forgive her. I am just so sad that she won't be here to meet her grandchild that will be born in December. She won't see my son, (her Godson) graduate from High School in May. Or my other kids graduate, get married, and me become a grandmother someday. I don't get to share that stuff with her. That makes me terribly sad.

I'm worried about my parents. They are 79 years old. No parent should have to bury their child. My dad is very angry. We all have to go through this process together but will do so at different stages. All I can do is love them. I've been the strongest through all of this. I was the one who planned her funeral with my niece and nephew. I stayed at the funeral home with my niece so she could see her mom, again. On a slab covered in a sheet. Unbelievable. But I did it for Erica. I picked out her clothes and gave them a picture of her so her hair will look nice while in the casket. Unbelievable. I picked out the poem and planned the program for her funeral (with my niece's help) Unbelievable. I ordered the flowers and helped pick out the songs. Unbelievable. I will be making the picture boards. Unbelievable. I will be reading one of the Bible passages on Tuesday. Unbelievable.

I choose to live. I choose to honor my sister's memory. Not for how she chose to end her life, but how she lived her life for 50 years. She defined "the life of the party".

Depression is an illness. I choose to spend the rest of my life trying to help with Mental Health Awareness and maybe with research and fund raising, I can help one person who will choose to live and spare another family the pain that my family is going through right now.

I choose to live.

Bad Blogger.....

Wow, three months since I last blogged. I probably don't have any readers anymore. I've been hanging out on Ravelry a lot. Knitting is still being done but I haven't finished a project for months. I've dusted off my spinning wheel and have a bobbin full of some pretty pink Corriedale that I got when I went to Shepherd's Harvest in May.Patrick turned 13 in May and Maggie just turned 16 last Thursday and got her license on Friday.

In other exciting news....we got a puppy!! A beautiful King Charles Cavalier Spaniel named Ellie. She is five months old and such a sweet baby girl. We picked her up at the airport in Minneapolis yesterday. She came from Kim aka The Woolen Rabbit in New Hampshire. I've been reading Kim's blog for a few years and admiring her beautiful dogs. She just got a new puppy named Goose, and I commented that I wished I could get a puppy. Well, Ellie was not going to be a show dog, and Kim agreed to let me buy her. My family is thrilled with our new addition. Kipper and Todd have accepted her into the pack without any growling at all. :) Richie the cat has sniffed at her but basically is just ignoring her.

Chicago is my kind of place!!!!

Maggie and I just got home from Chicago this morning. We left last Thursday. It was a blast!!! Eating, shopping, eating, shopping, BILLY ELLIOT, eating, shopping, SEARS TOWER, eating, shopping. You get the point!!!

Pictures later. I'm beat!!!

P.S. I swear we saw Franklin yesterday!!!

Farewell Olympics

I've enjoyed watching the Winter Olympics. My favorite was the figure skating, but all of it was pretty entertaining. I had joined the Ravelympics thinking I'd have a lot of time to knit during the past two weeks. Well, I only got one project done. A hat. Tried to get a pair of mittens done, too, but only got one done. My wrists, right shoulder, and elbow rebelled against me. :( The heart and mind were willing but parts of the body weren't.

This is my Bella's hat. I used Garn Studios Eskimo yarn that I purchased at Yellow Dog Knitting here in Eau Claire. It was a fun project. I made one for Maggie in December.
I highly overestimated my ability, but it was fun trying. Now it's just back to knitting at my leisure. I will finish a pair of mittens for Maggie and a pair for her boyfriend sometime this week and then my goal is to cast-on for a sweater for me.

Happy knitting!!!

Winter Carnival


Maggie went to Winter Carnival last night at her high school. She and her friends looked beautiful. I know that I am biased. Not much knitting content to write about but I do have a picture of some beautiful yarn that I got this past week. One of my Ravelry friends starting dyeing yarn last year and I asked her to custom dye some blue for me. It turned out so pretty. Even better than what my mind had envisioned. Her name is Kim and her yarn is Indigodragonfly.

Here is a picture of the yarn:I'm planning on using this yarn to make Gathered Pullover with my new yarn. Maybe I'll start this week. Happy knitting!!

New Year

Okay, January is almost over, but it's still considered the New Year. For our family, 2009 came with some losses. My sister-in-law, our precious cat Sadie, and in November my mother-in-law.
I am just now feeling like I am getting back to normal. I was able to be with my MIL every day from Oct. 18 until she died on November 13. It was painful to watch her die, but I am thankful that I was able to spend that time with her. It meant a lot to her as well as my husband and his siblings. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I've become a stronger person. I miss her so very much but I know that she is in a better place and out of pain.

The fall was also busy with volleyball and football games. We all had the flu, probably H1N1, but they didn't test us. Our symptoms were the same as half of Eau Claire the dr. said. We managed to get through the holidays and now are looking forward to the new year.

I haven't been knitting much at all, but I did make Maggie a hat. She actually wore it today when she went sledding with some friends. I am feeling like I'm getting back to normal (whatever that is) and am starting to feel like I want to knit. I've been doing a lot of reading lately, too. I love my Kindle!!! It was worth the price. I have read eight books in the past month.

I'm going to try and post regularly. I probably don't even have any readers, but we'll see.

Happy 2010 and Happy Knitting!!!!